So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh god it's open bar.
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