"it" just moved
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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