No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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