TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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