I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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