i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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