My first STD was from a foam party
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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