is your mom at the bar?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
