this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
zippers are such a cool invention
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
