It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
