Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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