so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You took a bar mat shot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My vagina is officially offended.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
