getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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