no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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