soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
