I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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