butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Plan B is the new Plan A
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
