apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
