i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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