I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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