Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
