are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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