im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize