You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
