EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
