she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
