i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
