were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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