At least make sure they are 18
Why
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
