put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
