i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
