I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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