I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
