At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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