By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
