i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
