I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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