I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
