I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
