I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
