If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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