Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
