im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
