people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
