You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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