maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
