I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want nice things and good sex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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