I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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