dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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