Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
