Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
