sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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