; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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