Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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