Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
