it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
