mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
