I can text with my tongue
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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