god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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