You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
