i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
