I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
