Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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