Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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