I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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