Acid is not a monday night drug
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
