my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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