I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
