i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
