4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you win again, gameday.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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