I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
