Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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