It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
