Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
