I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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