Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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