My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize