I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
