This girl is more easily done than said...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize