I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
