im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
