Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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