I wish I could teleport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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