im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
