no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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