How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
