I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize