woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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