shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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