the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
