My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
