I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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