i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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