So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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